Debbie Downer

I'm just going to rant for a moment. Not that I need anyone's permission, but I try to keep a positive attitude for the most part and no one wants to read someone's whining.

However -

December just hasn't been my month. First DH had his very long business trip. This was good in that he met the people he'll be working with, his new boss, and got to scout out cities in which we could live. It was bad in that it's hard to have your spouse gone for so long. Our son missed him terribly. We still have a TON of small things to do to prepare the house for sale. They aren't that hard, but still so much. I tried to start prepping DS's room for painting but couldn't get screws out of the wall. So that project will have to wait until DH can show me how to use a power drill. Meanwhile, poor DS's room is in shambles & he's been acting out some. Partially due to age and partially stress.

I did manage to have the rest of the house interior painted. Expensive but worth it. DH did a great job laying new tile/grout in the bathrooms, and we caved and ordered mirrored wardrobe doors for the master bedroom.
The sod we laid a few weeks ago still looks great. Haven't managed to kill it yet. Still need some more foundation plants and color, but that'll be easy.

Christmas kinda stunk this year. On Christmas day, I had DH's relatives ambush me on my religious beliefs. They've been curious, and I try to be polite & vague but I'm a polar opposite from them on spiritual belief. Now they're all concerned that I'm going to hell when I die. Sigh... Was I evil in a past life?
I don't believe the same way they do and I never will. I can respect their choices (and that's hard for me), why can't they respect mine?

A few days after Christmas, I got the flu. Oh goody. More fun! The worst part was not being able to sleep much. DH (in a surprising fit of thoughtfulness), stayed home on Friday to help with the boy while I rested. Then on Sunday in the middle of the night, DS got some stomach virus. DH nicely cleaned everything up as I couldn't move off the bed. Fortunately DS's tummy troubles only lasted a few short days, but I think he's got a slight cold. Not good since we're soon going to see my Mom. We always seem to get sick right as we're leaving. I'm still very tired, but am starting to get my energy back. I still can't sleep. I made the mistake the other night of taking a Tylenol 'Simply Sleep' OTC pill along with cold meds. I checked and double-checked the bottle for any adverse reactions with the two, but there weren't any listed. Turns out this was the worst thing I could've done. The combo made me very drowsy AND jittery at the same time. So I'd lay down to sleep one second and then have to move my body the next second. It was horrible! I'll never do that again. The cold & flu meds only worked slighty - took the edge off the aches and headache. Ugh.

To top it all off, there's a more serious family matter. I won't identify the persons/people involved, except that it includes me.
I've had issues with a few family members for years. Serious issues about lack of care, lack of love, control (them over me), manipulation, trying to induce guilt if I don't visit, don't take no for a answer. Since these are senior family members, I try and have respect for them, even though I don't agree with what they've done in the past and increasingly in the present. Myself and a few others have not been treated well. Well, in the past 6 months or so, one of the two people has come very close to physical violence or has actually shoved another smaller, younger family member. At this point, it's the final straw for me as far as trying to maintain that relationship. The problem is, I don't think I can tell this person how I feel yet, and the issues I'd had over the years. I've never been strong enough to do that. There's a tremendous amount of guilt around that. Well, with some new information, I feel I now can't be guilted into seeing them, but I worry about the safety of my family. This family member has guns. 3 or 4, I believe. I worry that this person will come after me or DS. In the past, this person was not above "accidently" hurting a child slightly, or put them in danger to get back at someone else.
To a lessor extent, I'm worried that this person will hurt themselves to get back at me. So over the months I've been formulating a long letter (so far only in my head) as to what I'm going to say to break these ties. I was all set, mentally- to actually send it when someone reminded me about the guns. Crap. Now I've just issued an email saying "I'm busy, I'll explain later". Which is true, but I'm also stalling in case this person decides to come after me. I can see them just getting angry and marching up to my door, uninvited and demanding to come in and otherwise harassing me. As if my 20 page letter detailing everything wouldn't be enough of an explanation. If I had my way, I'd send the letter as soon as the moving van pulled up to my door.

I've decided between this last family drama and the whole religious argument, I'm done.
Done. Done. Done.
Done appeasing people to avoid confrontation, done pleasing people so they'll like me, done
knocking myself out worrying what people think of me - DONE!

Maybe now I can get some sleep. Yeah sleep!